Chapter XI: Return of the Ogre

Santa Cruz

Article I: Hitchhiking

i. yes, it is legal. don't act so surprised.

ii. if you stay on the shoulder, off the road, and don't accept rides from seedy people; it is also relatively safe.

iii. depending on your timeline, it may not be efficient.

iv. the best method for first timers with no experience is to likewise have no alternatives.

v. be prepared to talk. obvious yes. but keep in mind you will be in close proximity to stranger(s), listening to their music, sitting on their seats, going their direction, ect. be respectful and remember that idle small talk may get pointedly awkward.

vi. likewise, deep conversation will last as long as your destination is on the horizon.

vii. remain unperturbed by the thousands of cars that pass you, there will be more than 19 that do so.

viii. the cosmos is always at work. there is a reason in every chance encounter you make while hitchhiking, and most conveniently it also gets you where you were going.

ix. be provocative and proactive. no one wants to pick up a hopeless bum. when that fails wave a twenty dollar bill around.

x. hitchhiking in the new millennium is different. as Jack Kerouac as you would like to feel, this feeling will be shattered when you exchange cell phone numbers with the friendly stranger who you just hopped a lift with.

Enter Character(s) IX: Willy Nilly and the Lot

Willy lives with his father Dean behind a Waldorf School outside of Santa Cruz. His sister Eva lives with Lauren and Judy on Seabright in town. This group of Wisco-Californian youth all wound up here, like your humble narrator, by order of some cosmos, or more simply; because it really seemed like a good idea at the time.

Willy goes to SC Public School for Senior Year and somehow gets out of school around lunchtime. Obviously, he is a complete bastard.

Dean works at the Waldorf School and is a addict of the Californian Waves. He has passed on this ailment to his son.

Eva works a New Leaf (food Co-op), Lauren works at a Surf School, and Judy works at Saturn Cafe. As the opposite sex, I haven't the faintest what in the hell they do on their spare time.

Procrastinate with Character(s) IX.

Article II: the City

i. Surf is serious for these citizens of Santa Cruz. theres a statue and everything.

ii. Palm Trees delude your mind into thinking your in paradise. keep an eye on the hole in your pocket book.

iii. you will experience "Indian Summers" aka, it will stay like July through October without any rain. fun fun.

iv. the Ocean is warmer here. that being said, wet suits do not leave a hell of a lot to the imagination.

v. being on a coastline, the layout of the town is not your standard North, East, South, West. its more like East-West in a cobweb fashion. map recommended but not required.

vi. real estate here is like real estate in every sunny Californian surf town on the Coast. easily put; not exactly cheap.

vii. if you are to experience this town; do it in the appropriate style. aka, drop top down the main drag with the stereo blasting.

viii. there is a smoke shop called "the Black Lung". so perfectly tasteless....

ix. parking spaces along the shoreline are limited if not fiercely guarded.

x. with the palm trees, surfing, Ocean, Boardwalk, and all around California-eness, you will feel utterly trapped in every song the Beach Boys ever wrote.

Prelude: Frequencies of Love Blowing Up the Popsicle Stand

in San Gregorio

"Looking ahead I see two things, one is death, the other is rectangles.

This rising wall of suburban desert captivates me.

It stretches on for several lives worth of travel or a few steps depending on your size.

Each one of these rectangles could contain one world, one universe, and infinite lives; or it could contain infinite worlds, infinite lives, and one universe. Or the rectangle could contain one world, one life, and infinite universes. Or, most likely, it contains nothing at all, apart from the infinite number of particles that flow through all that is unnoticed."

-From Arrow

"Relax. Take a dip."

-For the Team

Exeunt all.

namaste.

Chapter X: Doth Ever Make a Better Fool

Ashland

Prologue: Something Wicked this Way Comes

i. If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

ii. I tell you that which you yourselves do know;

iii. All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players:

iv. but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.

v. be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:

vi. take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment; this above all- to thine own self be true,

vii. frailty thy name is woman!

viii. costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not express'd in fancy, rich, not gaudy: more matter, with less art.

ix. we are such stuff as dreams are made on.

x. there is an art to the building up of suspense.

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

Ay, if I know the letters and the language.

-I. T.

Nosce Te Ipsum

Act I: The Players

i. Grand Master Nix, a Rose, with your humble narrator ("three musketeers" ect.) arrive shipwracked in the lands of Ashland.

ii. the Wisco Kids provide shelter for these travelers and go about doing whatever it is they do.

iii. the Cast of Throne of Blood preform an adaptation of an adaptation of an adaptation of an adaptation. no typo.

iv. the Earl of Showerman hosts the Ashland Authorship Confrence at the coffee furnished estate of the Ashland Springs Hotel.

v. the Oxfordians all have Phds, Mds, or some other such degree. some have bumper-stickers.

vi. the Stratfordians are all a bunch of Troglodytes.

vii. the Cast of Hamlet are all the opposite of people.

viii. the Cast of Merchant of Venice features Rozencrantz as Portia. Or Hamlet offers Portia as Rozencantz. it is two sides to the same coin. or the same side of two coins, seeing as there are so many of us.

ix. Bill, Stage Manager, and Doorman are some polite amazing people with swell potential.

x. Cloud Cult offers a 80% chance of presence and performance.

Act II: the Plot

i. Oxford is Shakespeare.

ii. the lute is like a unicorn. the similarities twixt a raven and a writing desk are approximately the difference tween a hawk and a handsaw.

iii. the Ottoman Empire effected our reality like a bone in an elephants heart.

iv. Shylock does not become a Christian. Moreover; a merchant.

v. the wager is 12:9, if exceeded by three, but alas poor Yorick: there could not be one, without the other. the only prize they guarantee you when you play this game, is that you will lose: its only a question of when. ergo; it's all in the timing. if it be now, tis not to come. if it be not to come, it will be now. if it be not now, yet it will come. The readiness is all.

vi. please silence all cellphones and pagers. the theater is in fact pager friendly, but always remember that txtng is silent.

vii. all actors want attention. any actor who says otherwise is lying. give many thy ear but few thy voice. being an actor is the profession of shouting in the evening. and the rain. depending.

viii. Oxford was of course the son of the raped Virgin Queen only to grow up and have an affair with that same Queen (inspiring Freud's Oedipus Complex of the Psyche theory via Hamlet), and birthing the son, the Earl of South Hampton, who Oxford dedicated Venus and Adonis. Oxford went on to have an affair with South Hampton who also impregnated his wife at the time with a bastard child, Anne Cecil, his first wife and mother of his three children who he cheated on with Anne Valvasorus Rex, died. Oxford also brought back a gay choir boy from Italy, was a rampant bi-sexual, and worked with two regiments of Boy Actors, who of course all played women roles and were all common known prostitutes. Oxford also of course had an affair with both Marilyn Monroe and JFK. Roland Emmerich's movie will be depicting this particular exploit.

ix. the cat will mew, and dog will have his day.

x. we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrrent or consecutive. but we can't give you love and rhetoric without the blodd. blood is compulsory. They're all blood you see.

Epilogue: the Conscience of the King

Perchance to Dream:

i. The eye of man hath not heard,

ii. the ear of man hath not seen,

iii. man's hand is not able to taste,

iv. his tongue to conceive,

v. nor his heart to report,

vi. what my dream was.

vii. I have had a most rare vision.

viii. I have had a dream,

ix. past the wit of man to say what dream it was:

x. man is but an ass, if he go about to expound this dream:

xi. What a piece of work is a man!

xii. how noble in reason!

xiii. how infinite in faculties!

xiv. in form and moving how express and admirable!

xv. in action how like an angel!

xvi. in apprehension how like a god!

xvii. the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!

This is the excellent foppery of the world…

-EO

Vero Nihil Verius

Chapter IX: Ripping Up Kilometers

San Gregorio

Article I: long distance travel

i. all things considered (or otherwise), it is probably wise not to take Greyhound at all.

ii. on the eve of traveling hundreds of miles, it is best to be well rested. it is even better not to spend your night under a tree at the bus station.

iii. Downtown Sacramento is an interesting place full of nightclubs at two in the morning. best enjoyed when of legal age to enjoy them.

iv. when arriving in a new place in the middle of the night, the morning will literally be an eye opening experience.

v. even one hour of sleep goes a very long way. that being said; coffee goes much, much farther.

vi. consume more than coffee and cigarettes. although great for a leisurely mid afternoon, you will be miserable by the time you arrive.

vii. music will be constant entertainment. Tetris gets old rather quick.

viii. seize any opportunity to stretch and remind yourself you still have legs.

ix. upon arrival, breathe a sigh of relief. then go to sleep before the jet lag hits.

x. if you awake in the morning and have no idea where you are on the map, or in general; you have done well. Congratulations.

Enter Characters VIII: Grand Master Nix and a Rose (by any other name...)

Straight from Viroqua, WI these two Oxfordian Enthusiasts (aka, Shakespeare Authorship Conspiracy Nuts like myself) arrived in the backwoods of the Bay Area coast to collect books before heading up the Ashland, OR.

Mr. Nix has a Karl Marx beard and runs a bookstore in Viroqua.

Mr. Nix has both an eye and an obsession for first edition prints with dust covers.

Mr. Nix is an avid Cloud Cult supporter and an 'Ovid' Oxfordian Freak.

Rose is a Sophomore at Laurel Charter School.

Rose will punch you every time a VW is in sight.

Rose now has a Baritone Uke from Chicago; 1950ish.

Conspiracize with Character(s) VIII.

Article II: California

i. Arnold Schwarzenegger really is the governator hear. just when you thought it was all a joke.

ii. everything is somehow "about an hour" drive away in the bay area.

iii. unlike Oregon, the entire coast is NOT all state park; equalling more scenic drives and more populated beaches.

iv. obviously, things are more expensive here. don't get too comfortable with Oregon's lack of sales tax.

v. the houses are packed so close together in places it seems like the slums in some third world country. if you didn't have to get an arm and a leg loaned to live there that is.

vi. the cities are crowded, commercial, and congested. if you hoped for the classic fantasy of the City in California; you're approximately 40 years a little late.

vii. Santa Cruz is slightly cheaper and filled with Hipster Cafes where you can acquire your Vegan Soy Vanilla De-Cafe Latte at all hours of the morning.

viii. the backwoods are lovely and you never know when you might be driving past where Lou Reed lived, or staying where Jerry Garcia stayed.

ix. as disappointing as reality may sometimes be; it's still remarkably chilling to see "San Francisco" on one of those green Interstate signs.

x. you know your along way from Wisconsin when the field of cows has the Pacific Ocean as a scenic back drop.

Chapter VIII: Doing as the Roman's Don't

Ashland

Article I: the city

i. landmarks will include the name "Stratford".

ii. Mt. Ashland is a grand sight. ski lifts prove deserted during early September. As do Giant Radar Stations.

iii. the Ashland Creek runs through town. Impressive? Quite. But the elaborate bridges and walkways running over it are more so.

iv. your local Camber of Commerce is a leisurely walk down the main drag away. Here you can use polite phrases like "Can you direct me to the Local Food Cooperative?" or "The Local Stratford this and that?". Maps provided.

v. the Local Food Cooperative is nice. They will mark you upon your entrance.

vi. use bike-paths to follow the trundle of the locals.

vii. streets, roads, sidewalks, ect estimate where you want to go. follow tracks of any kind to find where something went.

viii. the city is home to a lot of Shakespeare traffic. enough said.

ix. Ashland is close to several other small cities along I-5, like Talent, Phoenix, and 'Methford'.

x. speak softly. carry a big pocket book.

Enter Character(s) VII: The Wisco Kids

A whole wonderful group of wholesome and wholesale Wisconsin Waldorf weirdos. Good people. All straight from the Kickapoo Valley, these people will make you remember what you left for and remind you of what you miss.

Kelle works and gardens. On his off time he plays WOW and whatnot.

Fran and Anton work at the Local Food Cooperative and do whatever it is they do on their off times and whatnot.

The Park Brothers have a lovely art supply shop called the Yellow Cubard. On their off time they play in a band with Shady Glen Willis, Anton, and Mr. Adam Cox.

Immerse with Character(s) VII.

Article II: unemployment

i. finally, you will get that sleep you always talked about. unfortunately, when you're still tired, you have no excuses.

ii. eggs at five in the afternoon are as good as, say eggs at five in the morning.

iii. you will have more time. you will have less money.

iv. you will have time to do all that art you wanted to do. you, like most artists, won't be contributing anything worthwhile to society.

v. it's not that your quality of life devolves. it's that you calendar seems kind of lonely.

vi. you will no longer have a recite for the hours of human labor you put into the system.

vii. likewise, you won't get many recites of nice things from the system.

viii. don't beg. just whimper.

ix. you will always have Ramen Noodles. your dignity is a different matter.

x. you aren't employed. deploy yourself. you don't have work. work it out. you aren't hired. get inspired.