Chapter X: Doth Ever Make a Better Fool

Ashland

Prologue: Something Wicked this Way Comes

i. If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

ii. I tell you that which you yourselves do know;

iii. All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players:

iv. but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.

v. be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:

vi. take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment; this above all- to thine own self be true,

vii. frailty thy name is woman!

viii. costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not express'd in fancy, rich, not gaudy: more matter, with less art.

ix. we are such stuff as dreams are made on.

x. there is an art to the building up of suspense.

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

Ay, if I know the letters and the language.

-I. T.

Nosce Te Ipsum

Act I: The Players

i. Grand Master Nix, a Rose, with your humble narrator ("three musketeers" ect.) arrive shipwracked in the lands of Ashland.

ii. the Wisco Kids provide shelter for these travelers and go about doing whatever it is they do.

iii. the Cast of Throne of Blood preform an adaptation of an adaptation of an adaptation of an adaptation. no typo.

iv. the Earl of Showerman hosts the Ashland Authorship Confrence at the coffee furnished estate of the Ashland Springs Hotel.

v. the Oxfordians all have Phds, Mds, or some other such degree. some have bumper-stickers.

vi. the Stratfordians are all a bunch of Troglodytes.

vii. the Cast of Hamlet are all the opposite of people.

viii. the Cast of Merchant of Venice features Rozencrantz as Portia. Or Hamlet offers Portia as Rozencantz. it is two sides to the same coin. or the same side of two coins, seeing as there are so many of us.

ix. Bill, Stage Manager, and Doorman are some polite amazing people with swell potential.

x. Cloud Cult offers a 80% chance of presence and performance.

Act II: the Plot

i. Oxford is Shakespeare.

ii. the lute is like a unicorn. the similarities twixt a raven and a writing desk are approximately the difference tween a hawk and a handsaw.

iii. the Ottoman Empire effected our reality like a bone in an elephants heart.

iv. Shylock does not become a Christian. Moreover; a merchant.

v. the wager is 12:9, if exceeded by three, but alas poor Yorick: there could not be one, without the other. the only prize they guarantee you when you play this game, is that you will lose: its only a question of when. ergo; it's all in the timing. if it be now, tis not to come. if it be not to come, it will be now. if it be not now, yet it will come. The readiness is all.

vi. please silence all cellphones and pagers. the theater is in fact pager friendly, but always remember that txtng is silent.

vii. all actors want attention. any actor who says otherwise is lying. give many thy ear but few thy voice. being an actor is the profession of shouting in the evening. and the rain. depending.

viii. Oxford was of course the son of the raped Virgin Queen only to grow up and have an affair with that same Queen (inspiring Freud's Oedipus Complex of the Psyche theory via Hamlet), and birthing the son, the Earl of South Hampton, who Oxford dedicated Venus and Adonis. Oxford went on to have an affair with South Hampton who also impregnated his wife at the time with a bastard child, Anne Cecil, his first wife and mother of his three children who he cheated on with Anne Valvasorus Rex, died. Oxford also brought back a gay choir boy from Italy, was a rampant bi-sexual, and worked with two regiments of Boy Actors, who of course all played women roles and were all common known prostitutes. Oxford also of course had an affair with both Marilyn Monroe and JFK. Roland Emmerich's movie will be depicting this particular exploit.

ix. the cat will mew, and dog will have his day.

x. we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrrent or consecutive. but we can't give you love and rhetoric without the blodd. blood is compulsory. They're all blood you see.

Epilogue: the Conscience of the King

Perchance to Dream:

i. The eye of man hath not heard,

ii. the ear of man hath not seen,

iii. man's hand is not able to taste,

iv. his tongue to conceive,

v. nor his heart to report,

vi. what my dream was.

vii. I have had a most rare vision.

viii. I have had a dream,

ix. past the wit of man to say what dream it was:

x. man is but an ass, if he go about to expound this dream:

xi. What a piece of work is a man!

xii. how noble in reason!

xiii. how infinite in faculties!

xiv. in form and moving how express and admirable!

xv. in action how like an angel!

xvi. in apprehension how like a god!

xvii. the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!

This is the excellent foppery of the world…

-EO

Vero Nihil Verius