Chapter VII: Dance to the Music

Eugene

Article IV: Celebrations

i. wristbands, apart from being pretty colors, gain you access to wonderful things like events.

ii. long sleeves are an ample disguise to access those same locations.

iii. crowded locations are not the place to gather your bearings. either plan ahead, be flexible, or just blend in. 'you can't afford to be stationary on a moving train' and by train I mean "flippin huge crowd of mobile individuals".

iv. food inside events will always be pricey. drinks will mostly be alcoholic, and likewise pricey.

v. resistance is useless. as are iPod's.

vi. music will be everywhere. you cannot be. plan accordingly.

vii. security personnel do not give out the most helpful of directions.

viii. all college students at festivals can be found at the Reggae stage up to their usual no good.

ix. festivals that invade the city streets are much cooler than ones that occupy asphalt that is useless the rest of the year.

x. keep your eyes open. no matter where you are, you never know who you may run into.

Enter Character VI: Jack the Ripper

one bunk down at the Whiteaker Hostel. Glass Artisan and all around friendly fellow who showed my around the Flame Off glass blowing competition and checked out the local music together.

Jack turned 18 this month, and combined we still have not boughten lottery tickets or been inside "Adult Video Stores" and both at a loss for why..

Jack has been blowing glass less than a year; practices at a shop a block down from the Hostel.

Jack lives in the Bay Area and as of next week will move in with some college folk or be sleeping under a nice bridge as the park sprinklers shower the benches at night.

Exit Character VI.

Article V: Music

i. all you need is a drummer, for the people who only need a beat.

ii. drum machines have no soul.

iii. most people possess an odd fear of being center stage. Others have a 'fierce' inkling for it.

iv. the hang-time in between acts will always be too long.

v. roadies are so cool.

vi. dance like no bodies watching. chances are; their probably watching the people on stage.

vii. encores are a scheduled phenomena unless the house lights come up.

viii. never come wearing multiple layers unless you plan on taking them off.

ix. as a male, you have the privilege to be shirtless in public. take full advantage of this opportunity.

x. free your mind and your ass will follow.

Chapter VI: Back to the Beginning

Portland

Article III: Going Solo

i. Don't panic.

ii. fully unlock doors you intend to re-enter.

iii. when that fails, always remember that the standard doorknob lock can be opened with the standard credit card.

iv. the password to the restrooms in Nordstrom is 421.

v. when attending the Clinton Street Cabaret's production of Rocky Horror Picture Show, unlike in Milwaukee, the lipstick V placed on your forehead is not done by a transvestite. Disappointing I know.

vi. there is no one to keep you in check. either learn to shape up, or learn to start taking criticism from strangers.

vii. you will start entering bathrooms with your backpack and any other possessions on your person. consider yourself warned.

viii. buy a compass. two heads are better than one. however; a global positioning system will probably be the best way to figure out where you are.

ix. libraries and bookstores are good sanctuary.

x. stay perceptive. you never know what you may get yourself into. and you will have only yourself to blame.

Enter Character(s) V: Aunt Carrie and POCO

Carrie lives in the Clinton area of Portland with her master POCO. Their house is a hop and a skip way from a good Video Store, Organic Groceries, and of course; Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Carrie is an acupuncturist in her clinic off I-5.

Carrie is moving to Hawaii to swim with the Dolphins.

Carrie knows where to find amazing Dim Sum and Sushi.

POCO laughs and talks, enjoys blueberries and noodles, is somewhere around 25 years old and has the full time occupation of being a parrot.

Exit Character(s) V.

Article IV: Backtracking

i. you will notice things you somehow missed. like waterfalls.

ii. the locations will always be the same. the situations however, will not be.

iii. Greyhound buses will never get classier. However, they still remain cheap.

iv. when reentering a city; if you remember bus routes, things will be easier.

v. when you don't remember bus routes, a map will make things easier.

vi. you are following in your own footsteps; add some rhythm.

vii. backtracking is a good way to catch a concert in the 'near' future.

viii. it is wise not to give your only change for bus fare away to that homeless guy.

ix. the stars are the 'same' no matter where you are.

x. it will be your opportunity to pretend you are not a tourist. seize that opportunity.

Prelude: the Losing of a Compass and the Finding of a Journey to Find Curiously Strong Mints

in Portland

Water and the way she moves

even when she is stock still to the eye

say an Ice Berg for instance

if there is anything that so describes movement

it's water

and what is moving?

creation

what moves the dancer

what moves music

what moves the sculptors hand

when water moves

light as air

the movement of the weather

rain snow

where ever she is life is being born

the way a tree trunk spiral upward

like a whirlpool goes down

the way feathers design

like ripples across sand

muscle bone and the choreography of nerves

all designs of waters ever moving mind

genius of creation

Bill Keys

8/20/10

Exunt Poet and Editor/Co-Author (She talked, it wrote, She edited. But Bill Keys has his own typewriter...)

Chapter V: like a Jungle Sometimes

Eugene
Article II: the City

i. there are an almost disturbing but not at all surprising amount of VW Buses within the city.

ii. the train runs through town 24 hours a day. its 'horn' does as well.

iii. Oregon has one of the largest populations of homeless people in the country. they want your cigarettes. they want your money. they also may or may not read you poetry.

iv. the Whiteaker neighborhood is everything Viroqua wants to be: bright colors, recycled decorations and ornaments, and people openly smoking water-pipes on their front porch.

v. also, read signs not as "hand blown glass jewlery, gifts, and art" but rather "just another paraphernalia shop and nothing else!"

vi. there is a great public bus system: don't panic when the driver gets out to check the schedule posted on the bus stop to find out where he's going next.

vii. computer geeks in Eugene are like computer geeks everywhere; well, geeks.

viii. for every Starbucks (and you may find two on one city block), there is a tattoo and piercing shop just down the road; making this city a caffeinated one full of body art.

ix. the box office for the Macdonald Concert Hall is not at the front, or even inside the building. its around the corner of the theater down the block. i know. i was confused too.

x. it does not matter where you are: contact jugglers, clowns, contortionists, and fire spinners are always a sight to see. fuck the elephants.

Enter Character(s) IV: the Whiteaker Hostel staff

the staff of the Whiteaker Hostel (which consists of two houses a block or so apart) is not entirely incompetent, but rather inconsistent. rates for a night stay may vary, depending on who is working the desk...

Mac is the owner of the Whiteaker Hostel and manages the gardens as well as the staff, holds band practice in the social room, and a free spaghetti diner every Sunday night.

Sonia is an artist from Quebec who, until she came to the Hostel only a month ago, spoke no English. She is now fluent.

Anna is a competent employee who kept trying to give us free food as she cleaned the unlabeled food from the fridge.

Ed may not be his name, but he went through basic training and can give you 'knowledgeable' wisdom for your life without knowing anything about it or where its going.

Exit Character(s) IV.

Article III: traveling

i. you will not miss home. you will miss the people who made it such.

ii. forget all advice anyone ever gave you about "not making eye contact" and "not talking to strangers" meeting new people is the point of travel. if your traveling for the sights: save your money and flip through a National Geographic.

iii. Airports are your first Level. they will eat you. you must slip through gaining little attention and losing as little of your resources as possible: you will need them later.

iv. blogs are obnoxious. yes. if you want to travel to new sights and instead look at facebook: be my oblivious fucking guest.

v. pack clothes. have money. but most importantly, have tea, chocolate, and tobacco: these are your primary tools for making friends.

vi. iPods are nice comforts. that being said, anywhere besides WI there is always live music to be found.

vii. Hotels are expensive. Hostels are unique. Couches are respectively free. the ground is respectively uncomfortable.

viii. Plastic may be nice. it is better to have the physical cash in hand before you part with it for a more realistic sense of its worth.

ix. Downtown is always 'nice' but mostly expensive and manicured. for real life look to communities and making connections. (see v.)

x. coffee shops are a great place to ground yourself, meet people, plan your next move, etc. that being said: mochas are god damned expensive...

Chapter IV: The Ocean Breathes Salty

Florence
Article I: Camping

i. Don't panic when you forget silverware. Cafes and similar eating establishments do not keep tyrannical tabs on theirs.

ii. Plates are a different matter. Don't panic. Just whine.

iii. When picking up canned food left on the side of the road; first, check expiration dates. second, check to make sure the word "irregular" is included nowhere within the description.

iv. After picking up canned food on the side of the road, at least attempt to be unsurprised when you set up your tent next to the homeless person who put it there.

v. when padlocking valuables inside your tent: make sure your tent has only one door (the padlocked one).

vi. the area you are selecting to sleep on is guaranteed to be more comfortable when you are simply standing on it.

vii. ATV drivers are assholes. RV drivers are simply overcompensating.

viii. in the woods, it is unwise to leave things like granola unattended. plastic bags are ill defense.

ix. when a sign at an ATV trail says "not suitable for walking" it is not suggesting it is impossible to walk; it is simply and wisely suggesting that it is rather damn difficult.

x. if and when you reach the Pacific Ocean on a designated ATV beach, it will most likely be deserted. Pay attention to nature, for apart from the ATVers that roar by with tunnel vision and scare it way; it will manifest itself in delightful and silly ways.

Enter Character III: Homeless Mike
Homeless Mike camped next to us for two nights and built campfires the same fashion as Anders Lewis.

Mike smokes TOP cigarettes, although agrees Zig-Zags are the best papers for rolling; tobacco or otherwise. (TOP is "proudly made in the USA" whereas TOP papers are shamefully made in France)
Mike is 59 years old with a grandchild or two, hitchhiking around Florence, and camping in the redwoods.
Mike once almost bought a bike shop for $25,000 dollars loaned from his brother. the deal failed as neither the seller nor his brother (with the money) took him seriously. Ironically, the bike shop was called Mike's Bikes.
Exit Character III.

Article II: Smoking

i. Its not that only 17% of Oregonians smoke cigarettes, its that only 17% of Oregonians admit to smoking cigarettes.

ii. Smoking is everywhere a basic union. Pack properly (no pun intended).

iii. Smoke breaks are a great way to meet people. Please note a majority of these people will be degenerates.

iv. There is a short gap between smoking legal substances and illegal ones. There is also a gap in how ciphered you think your hinting humor is and how completely obvious you are being.

v. Only you can prevent forest fires. More likely, only properly equipped personnel can put them out once that's failed.

vi. Smoking causes lung cancer (ect.) but with all your cell phone use and microwave exposure, I'd be more worried about brain or testicular cancer. Studies show (all things considered) you will probably end up dead.

vii. A pack of Turkish Royals and a pack of Camel Filters total $10.80 exactly. That's right mid-West: be jealous. Be very jealous.

viii. It is more economical to roll your own cigarettes. though not as fun.

ix. filters really are just one big scam.

x. When you see a tool shed with multiple windows all card-boarded up in a quaint Oregon neighborhood: your first guess is probably right.

Chapter III: Slipping Over to Someplace alittle more Comfortable

Eugene
Article I: Getting there..

i. Greyhound is as miserable as the people riding it. your ride will be as unpleasant as the person sitting next to you. (see below)

ii. even if you have tickets arrive early as seating is general and for all you know after the choice seating is taken you may have to sit next to a 400lb native american with a slight smell who may or may not be selling drugs to the white guy sitting behind you with some mental disease that makes him think he's black.

iii. when you are white with a disease that makes you think you are black with a syndrome that makes you think you can rap, it is unwise to slip in titles of Disney movies into your lyrics.

iv. the best strategy: block hearing with music, protect against eye contact with shades, keep your eyes on your book, and keep resuring yourself it will all be over soon.

v. check flippers of pinball machines in seedy bus stations before they swallow your $0.50

vi. coffee is not the beverage of choice for a longer trip thats rest stops are out of your control.

vii. you know your a long way from home when the fields are filled with sheep instead of cows.

viii. beware of babies. pack asprin.

ix. bus stations are filled with interesting people. including college football fans whos father's are KKK members.

x. at arrive do not wait around bus stations to gather your bearings. strech your legs to the nearest yuppie coffee shop.

Enter Character(s) II: the Wild Family
a nice Eugene family living on a quite street with a comfortable couch. old friends of my travel companion Mellissa (editor and coauthor). their name really is Wild.

the Wilds house is quite cool in both the fashionable sense and the atmospheric sense.
the Wilds have chickens. about six.
the Wilds are all vegetarian. stupid West Coast...
the Wilds have some very nice knives.
the Wilds wireless internet password is amusing.
please note: Jen Wild is a teacher alittle overconnected with students via Facebook. Mark Wild writes Sudokku's for the local paper. Kiara Wild is obsessed with Manga. Malikite Ede Wild has one of the coolest names ever.

Chapter II: Where that Ticket got You...

Portland
Article I: the City

i. it is not as ammusing to walk the wrong way down a moving sidewalk as it is to climb up an escalator going down.

ii. either of the afore mentioned items are also more amusing when you are eight years old or on experimental chocolates.

iii. as are Japenese cartoons.

iv. if ever presented the choice between the lightrail and Portland's historical Trolley whos driver must have been stoned: the choice is obvious.

v. Rite Mart is essentially the same as Wallgreens.

vi. the police cars have roses painted on them. (see below)

vii. Portland has an international rose garden which leads to everything having roses in the name or graphic design (see above).

viii. the taxi cabs are black and white and look more like police cars then, well, the police cars.

ix. no one checks to see if you have a ticket on the light rail system. the buses however, are a different story.

x. graphiti is "art" and yes, some of the police do ride Segway scooters.

Enter Character I: Sir Alex of Wales
shared a dorm room at the Hostel and went on a pocket knife/tobaccoo search with us only to find mostly coffee shops. We also had an enjoyable home cooked (in the Hostels kitchen) breakfast of eggs, cheese, toast, and of course: tea.

Alex worked for a bank and was recently "axed"
Alex has an sickenly cliche accent (and appriciates you not mistaking it for Australian)
Alex has been hitchhiking through Canada and Alaska
Alex smokes Marbro Lights which is impossible to understand
Alex has drank a drink complete with a human toe. none of that is a typeo.
Exit Character I.

Article II: Surviving

i. it is much cheaper to suck it up and buy your groceries and spend several Hamiltons than having to spend several Jacksons every time you want to fill your stomach.

ii. Public Trans will take you where you need. never walk three miles carrying 50lbs when you don't have to.

iii. when traveling with a partner; an entire private room at a Hostel is approx $6.00 more than renting two bunks in the dorm.

iv. when renting a private room at a Hostel, you will meet less people.

v. when meeting people at a Hostel, it may be hard to stop running into them. for some reason, they WILL think you are their friend.

vi. coffee is served in wierdly wide cups on a saucer that then proceed to spill onto the saucer and then proceed to drip on you every time you try to take a drink.

vii. they are not water fountains. they are bubblers.

viii. when getting hustled in Portland: black people just want ciggarettes. Greenpeace wants your credit card number.

ix. Powell's Bookstore, although large, is really not as cool as Eddie's.

x. The White Eagel, a rock-n-roll resturaunt/bar/hotel thats haunted is exactly as cool as it sounds.

Chapter I: A One Way Ticket to Portland

This cronicle is not a blog of my own actions and adventures.

This cronicle is the lessons I've learned through my adventures and a notation of some interesting characters I have met within them.

It will begin now...

Airports
Article I:

i. the Milwaukee Airport is both nothing new or interesting.

ii. rest assured the Chicago OHaire Airport has not changed abit.

iii. absolutely NEVER buy unmarked food within airports.

iv. the Seattle airport has alot of escalators and Starbucks (go figure...)

v. if ever given the chance to have lunch with an off duty airport security officer: sieze that oppurtunity.

vi. airports hate smokers. dont bother asking; you will have to exit and reenter the security loop.

vii. if ever given the oppurtunity, fly on a small, half empty plane with steps that fold down.

viii. if that oppurtunity is ever taken, hire a brass ensemble for your arrival.

ix. yes, 14 minute flights are rather ridiculous.

x. apparently, Venezuela Airport security has bad standards. why they tell you this in the Milwaukee airport? I have no idea...