Chapter II: Where that Ticket got You...

Portland
Article I: the City

i. it is not as ammusing to walk the wrong way down a moving sidewalk as it is to climb up an escalator going down.

ii. either of the afore mentioned items are also more amusing when you are eight years old or on experimental chocolates.

iii. as are Japenese cartoons.

iv. if ever presented the choice between the lightrail and Portland's historical Trolley whos driver must have been stoned: the choice is obvious.

v. Rite Mart is essentially the same as Wallgreens.

vi. the police cars have roses painted on them. (see below)

vii. Portland has an international rose garden which leads to everything having roses in the name or graphic design (see above).

viii. the taxi cabs are black and white and look more like police cars then, well, the police cars.

ix. no one checks to see if you have a ticket on the light rail system. the buses however, are a different story.

x. graphiti is "art" and yes, some of the police do ride Segway scooters.

Enter Character I: Sir Alex of Wales
shared a dorm room at the Hostel and went on a pocket knife/tobaccoo search with us only to find mostly coffee shops. We also had an enjoyable home cooked (in the Hostels kitchen) breakfast of eggs, cheese, toast, and of course: tea.

Alex worked for a bank and was recently "axed"
Alex has an sickenly cliche accent (and appriciates you not mistaking it for Australian)
Alex has been hitchhiking through Canada and Alaska
Alex smokes Marbro Lights which is impossible to understand
Alex has drank a drink complete with a human toe. none of that is a typeo.
Exit Character I.

Article II: Surviving

i. it is much cheaper to suck it up and buy your groceries and spend several Hamiltons than having to spend several Jacksons every time you want to fill your stomach.

ii. Public Trans will take you where you need. never walk three miles carrying 50lbs when you don't have to.

iii. when traveling with a partner; an entire private room at a Hostel is approx $6.00 more than renting two bunks in the dorm.

iv. when renting a private room at a Hostel, you will meet less people.

v. when meeting people at a Hostel, it may be hard to stop running into them. for some reason, they WILL think you are their friend.

vi. coffee is served in wierdly wide cups on a saucer that then proceed to spill onto the saucer and then proceed to drip on you every time you try to take a drink.

vii. they are not water fountains. they are bubblers.

viii. when getting hustled in Portland: black people just want ciggarettes. Greenpeace wants your credit card number.

ix. Powell's Bookstore, although large, is really not as cool as Eddie's.

x. The White Eagel, a rock-n-roll resturaunt/bar/hotel thats haunted is exactly as cool as it sounds.